did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
