I bet he comes in French.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
