i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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