my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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