dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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