we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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