I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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