Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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