I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
