I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
