Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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