I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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