Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
