Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Can you bring me the toilet please
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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