I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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