We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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