3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
