I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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