i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
