His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
