The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
