wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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