Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I had to cum in my sink.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
