you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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