Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't turn off my feet"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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