Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
