I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
