he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
