I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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