you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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