I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
