sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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