If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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