I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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