i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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