I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
