goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
