roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
