Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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