She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
