There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize