I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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