so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
