Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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