you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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