JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
