Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
