How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
