Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
