What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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