i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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