Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
