just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
