Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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