Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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