I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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