I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize