WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
