I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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