so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
