I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
