If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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