Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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