I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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