When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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