I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
