All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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