Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
