she woke up with a sticky ear
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
