remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
