I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
