sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
