it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
