So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
