I should be sponsored by Trojan
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
