I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize