I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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