I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
