Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
