R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
