The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
