i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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