Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
