what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
