you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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