i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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