I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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