eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize