feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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