I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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