Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
