It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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