he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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