It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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