She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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