Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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