paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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