as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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